Me, normal? Hardly. Thanks God! :)

The other night I found myself saying "I just want to be normal!".  I promise that this isn't the first time I've said this.  Usually when the phrase comes out of my mouth, it involves some sort of jealousy or guilt.  Maybe I've seen a "society perfect figure" eating a cheeseburger, or I yet again became obsessed with the scale and gained a pound this past week after eating lettuce wraps for lunch, or I gave into sloth and decided to lay in bed rather than go for a walk....You get the picture.  My addiction speaks to me and to others in many different forms, and leaves me sometimes wishing that I was "normal".  My first question I have to ask myself- Dear self, (I've become quite formal these days) What the heck is normal?  Society has many ideas of what is... perfect- the barbie body, the many dieting and weight loss commercials...the cover of any "Allure" magazine will give you the hint...but since when have I ever listened to society?...oops...problem number 1.  I think I have come to the conclusion that none of us are normal.  Isn't that the beauty of being a child of God?  He didn't give us all the same gifts!  He gave us special gifts to enable us to do His will.  I can only do what God has willed for me.  You can only do what God has willed for you.  I cannot do what God has willed anyone else to do.  There is a unique plan for each of us.  So maybe normal is just another word for plain. In which case- welcome to the club of being "Not Normal" or gifted and uniquely formed for purpose and divine love.  Boom.  Things just got real.  Another thing that is closely related to this is a quote I read.  "Where you invest your love, you invest your life".  I so often spend all of my time focused in my addiction, in my eating disorder, in my illness, that I in a way nourish it, welcome it...love it.  What if I invested my love in myself and in the Lord.  Wouldn't that just make sense?  I can only begin to imagine the life that I could have.  Now, don't get me wrong, I swing this sometimes, and those days are such a breath of fresh air.  But instead of bringing myself down, by questioning my normalcy, wouldn't it be just more time worthy to say, Hey Lord, I'm struggling, I need you.  I'm going to love You today, because I know how much You love me.  I know that You are the divine healer, that You have the answers I search for.  I know that You have the directions, that I need to let You steer.  Lord today I'm going to allow myself to be loved, I'm going to use my unique gifts to fulfill Your will for me, for the world.  I'm going to love myself.  Tonight, as i sit, candles lit,the smell of autumn in the air, the crisp cool air causing my arms to be filled with goosebumps,  I allow the new season to be an opportunity for openness and new love.  I invite God into my life today, I open myself for miracles, I invite in Recovery.  I pray for all those who suffer with illness, addictions, and those who go feeling unloved.  May our Lord, wrap His arms around us all. May we use our unique gifts to make the world a beautiful place.  May we recognize our self worth, our dignity, our beauty, and may we always know we are loved.