As anyone reading this probably knows, on January 30th, the day after I received one year of abstinence from cumpulsive eating and eating behaviors through the grace of God, the love of my life, my best friend, proposed. It will forever be one of the most joyous days of my life. A little over two months later and it feels like yesterday! I can remember so vividly my father handing me a rose and telling me, "Sage has a question for you". The next year should be full of cherished moments where I can smell the rose, see my father's eyes, hear sage's voice, however so far, it hasn't been quite like that.
Two months into the planning process and we've done so much (maybe too much)! The venue is booked, the bridal party is chosen, the engagement party has been had, the flowers are picked, the DJ is ready, the photographers and videographers are contracted...things are set in place. Every moment I spend with Sage is a joyous one and moments that are remembered. But it is the moment when I loose sight of why we wed that I struggle. What am I struggling with?
1) The opinons of what should and should not be. The average cost of a wedding is a little over $30,000. This girl refuses to spend that much on one day! Well, at least I thought I did! Those "required" items start to rack up the bill quite quickly. Before you know it, you are well past that $30,000 mark. Then you get the, "You must have flowers. You can't have this, you must have this. You spent too much here, but not enough there. The dress isn't important, the dress is the most important". People pleasers beware- planning your day is not for the push over. It gets increasingly harder for me to remember that this day is what Sage and I want- not anyone else.
2) Weddings can bring out the good, the bad, and the ugly....the very very ugly. Jealousy is one of those character defects that I think we all carry at times. I can remember for a long time, because paitience is a virtue that I am still very much in need of, getting so jealous and angry every time someone announced their engagement on facebook. How quick I am to think that the entire world revolves around me! From titles, to centerpiece decisions, dress choices, and more... it seems to be so difficult for me to remember that for the first time in a long time, this is actually about me and sage! I can make choices based on us! Yay! Yet at the same time...it is so hard! When the ugly comes out of those I love (though their intentions may be good) the ugly comes right out of me as well. I either snap and get angry, or I fall back into making decisions based on what others want instead of making those decisions with my best friend who I am to marry.
3) Have you noticed a common theme? I am a people pleaser. Hands down, no doubt about it. It is time to give this character defect to God and move on. The first vow (before the actual vows) I am making in this process is to not worry about anyone else but Sage and myself. I will do what I believe is the next right thing, and leave the rest for God. I need not please anyone but Him.
Overall planning hasn't been the pits. But I have slowly been seeing that I have begun to dig myself into a pit of worrying that I may offend someone because they didn't get what they want, or worrying that a friend will have hurt feelings because I didn't ask them to be in my wedding, or not living up to someone else's expectations. That pit is not one that I am willing to allow myself to fall into. One year from now I marry my best friend with a blessing from Jesus Christ who will protect and love us fully until our souls re-unite in heaven. He is the only one that I ever have to please, and thanks be to God that he is merciful and knows that I am not perfect!
Prayers to all my fellow brides out there! May this be a time of great blessing and joy for you. To those who are supporting the bride: may you be filled with joy for your loved ones, knowing that no matter what, you are loved and adored. To the grooms-to-be- Good LUCK! Just kidding- may you lead your brides down a path of holiness and find deeper connection to your Father in heaven. May you use our Lord as an example of love and protect your bride-to-be's heart and entrust your love to Jesus Christ.
P.S
Happy Good Friday. The saddest day brings us the greatest gift. My Jesus, for all the times I have scourged you- forgive me. You take away death's sting and love beyond limits. What a wonderful reminder that we are loved into existence, beyond our understanding.
Xo
